Don't you dare deny it..... unless you were born in Hillbrow and grew up in the northern suburbs…

Don't  you dare  deny it..... unless you were born in Hillbrow and grew up in the northern suburbs…

 1. In the bathroom: You know your mom had an old sack
from either oranges, onions or squashes hanging up in
 there...and she'd scrub you like it was going out of fashion.

 2. In the bathroom: If y'all didn't have the sack
 than you must have had an old grey stone...and you knew your knees and
 elbows were in trouble as soon as you got back home from playing outside!

 3. In the bedroom: You had a kist, don't act like you don't
 know, and it was full of old blankets and nasty silk bedding your
 moms only brought out when she had special visitors.


 4. In the kitchen: Speaking of special visitors, your moms
 had special cups and saucers and teapots that were only used when
 visitors came over. When there weren't any visitors y'all were using the cheap
 yellow, blue or green enamel cups and plates.


 5. In the kitchen: You'd be sent to go buy "Choice Assorted" and
 Tennis biscuits ko-spaza when visitors came over.

 Oh, and don't forget the Krest Ginger Ale...

 6. In the sitting room: Your mom had doilies on every
 arm-rest and head rest...and you still had the plastic covering
 the couches...and your legs or face would stick to them if you
 sat on them too long.

 7. In the TV room: Don't pretend y'all didn't have them
 bunny ear aerials...and your folks would make you walk around the TV
 holding the thing high in the air until you got the right signal.

 8. On the veranda: if you were lucky you didn't have a
 stoep (but somehow it seems every darkie family eventually built a
 stoep either outside the kitchen or front door) and that thing was
 either black or red and you had to polish it with Sunbeam and those huge
 brushes and pantyhose. Eish

 9. In the dining room: if your family had a bigger house
 you always had those ceramic dogs, you know them...the cream white
 ones with gold trimmings...and the squint eyes. If you didn't have those
 then you must have had those long sausage dog door/ wind stop
 leather dogs. You know them, the ones with the floppy ears that would be
 behind every darkies kitchen or front door...

 10. On the walls: you had one of those generic pictures of
 the naked black woman holding a child or the one of a black woman
 with one tear coming down her face. You know EXACTLY which pictures I'm
 talking about do you remember those copper looking decorations cleaned
 with Brass o?

 What about the Picture of "Jesus and his disciples having the last supper" and a lil prayer on the wall?

 The picture with the baby crying !

 The picture with the a half naked African man and woman?  

  

The picture ya Mpho le Mphonyana?

Origins of Afrikaans surnames

What do u call :


1. a doctor who does circumcisions............Dr. P.P. Snyman

2. an Afrikaaner Gynaecologist...................Dr.Koekemoer

3. an Afrikaaner who doesn't go to church............Van NieKerk

4. an Afrikaaner who failed June exams..............Viljoen 
5. an Afrikaaner that trips and falls in the mountains.........Van der Berg

6. The Afrikaaner that votes in EVERY election .....WOUTER

7. The Afrikaaner that drives the loud Datsun Stanza.......BASSon

8. The Afrikaaner that is very well endowed ........De LANGE

9. A Male Afrikaaner that prefers other male species..... De KOCK

10. The Afrikaaner thats always high.......POTgieter 

11. An Afrikaaner moffie..........Sakkie De Kock 

ITS THE 16 of NOVEMBER 2012......MONTH END IN TWO WEEKS..

Slowly but steadily...

We are making it towards Payday.

I am so broke – I had to push my car to the bottle store yesterday

Slowly but steadily...

We are making it towardsPayday.

I am so broke – I had to push my car to the bottle store yesterday

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT STRESS IS?

DO  YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT STRESS  IS? 

 DO  YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT STRESS  IS? A  beautiful girl asks you for a ride home. On the way she faints  and you take her to hospital.

The doctor says;  Congratulations!!!!. You are going to become a  father;

THAT'S  IT. YOU GET STRESSED.
You  say; But that baby is not mine;
The girl says; he is the  father of my baby;

YOU  GET  MORE STRESSED.
…and to prove  your innocence demand a DNA test. The  police arrive, and a DNA test is done. The  report comes in  according  to  which  you are infertile and can never become a father.    WHAT?  YOU  GET  EVEN  MORESTRESSED!.
Anyhow  you thank God that this ordeal is over, and start driving  home.

.............. And then you start thinking; At  home I already have 2 kids.    Whose  are those????
NOW  THAT’S WHAT REAL  STRESS  ACTUALLY  IS!!!!!  

GUIDE TO A BETTER LIFE - DR RANDY PAUSCH

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE 
 

Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don't over do; keep your limits
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake  
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
       Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:
15. Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17. Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20. What other people think of you is none of your business
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.


While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with,
people you play with, people you work with and people you live with. 
Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you.  

 

KAKKA MEANINGS

- Kakka

Which of these has ever happened to you (if not all)?.. .tell the truth

...

Nothing but the truth...

1 GHOST KAKKA:

The kind where you fel t the kakka coming out, but there is no kakka in

the toilet.

2 CLEAN KAKKA:

The kind where you kakka it out, see it in the toilet, but there is

nothing on the toilet paper.

3 WET KAKKA:

The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped,

so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your

underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

4 SECOND WAVE KAKKA:

This happens when you're done kakka-ing and you've

pulled your pants  up to your knees, and you realize that

you have to kakka some more.

5. POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD KAKKA:

The kind where you Strain so much to get it out, you practically

have a stroke.

6. LINCOLN LOG KAKKA:

The kind of kakka that is so huge you're afraid to flush without

first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

7 GASSY KAKKA:

It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

8. DRINKER'S KAKKA:

The kind of kakka you have the morning after a long night

of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks

on the bottom of the toilet.

9. CORN KAKKA:

The kind of kakka where the corn look like raisins in a muffin.

10. GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-KAKKA KAKKA:

The kind where you want to kakka but all you do is

sit on the toilet  and fart a few times.

11. SPINAL TAP KAKKA:

That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you’d swear

it was leaving you sideways.

12. WET CHEEKS KAKKA

(The Michael Schumacher Kakka):

The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with

water.

13. THE DANGLING KAKKA:

This kakka refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done

kakka-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

14. THE SURPRISE KAKKA:

You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you

are about to  fart, but *oops* --- a kakka!

Mopani pizza only available in VENDA

Have you eaten Mopani PIZZA? COME TO ..........

Going Bananas

A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas.  He said the expression 'going bananas' is from the effects of bananas on the brain.  Read on: Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!!  This is interesting.  After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again. Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet. Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.  PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.  Anemia : High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.  Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure.. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke. Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school ( England ) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.  Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.  Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey.. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.  Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief. Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.  Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.  Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.    Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs.. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.  Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.  Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood Enhancer tryptophan.  Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.  Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.  Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!  Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape! So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, 'A banana a day keeps the doctor away!'  PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS  PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit !!!

As I Mature

As I Mature

I've learned that you cannot make

someone love you. All you can do is

stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care,

some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years

to build up trust, and it only takes

suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by

on charm for about fifteen minutes.

After that, you'd better have a big willy

or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't

compare yourself to others - they are

more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting

long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible

for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of

how hot and steamy a relationship is at

first, the passion fades, and there had better

be a lot of money to take its place!

I've learned that 99% of the time when

something isn't working in your house, one

of your kids did it

I've learned that the people you care most

about in life are taken from you too soon

and all the less important ones just never go away.

The sexiest butt Ever

Something new in the European market Something red sexy for a blond The sexiest butt ever On the planet For the year  2012 Forget about Kim Kardeshian       Forget about J. Lo  Forget about Shakira Forget about Jessica Forget about all.... You will see the best ever This will make you forget about all those butts... Everybody would love it She has a woow butt...

Bank Account

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If I don't get this back, I will know you really didn't read it. I got this from someone and thought the last part was really a good thought.


Too bad that the person who sent this link to me did not know 10 people who would admit to knowing the Lord.

I know 10 people. 

Do You Love Him? 

IF YOU LOVE JESUS , 

SEND THIS LINK TO AT LEAST 10 PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU! 

THE POEM
I knelt to pray but not for long, 
I had too much to do. 
I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due.
So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian
duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease..... 
All day long I had no time 
To spread a word of cheer
No time to speak of Chris t to friends, 
They'd laugh at me I'd fear.
No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need 
But at last the time, the time to die. 
I went before the Lord,
I came, I stood with downcast eyes. 
For in his hands God! held a book;
It was the book of life.
God looked into his book and said
"Your name I cannot find 
I once was going to write it down... 
But never found the time" 

Now do you have the time
to pass it on?