Jokes and Facts on No under 18 Bar, Interesting Facts, Ibhubezi Elimhlophe (White Lion), Interesting Facts Part 2, Zulu Register, Urgent notice for Joburgers and How True is it?

NO UNDER 18 BAR

18 Zulu men went to a bar and the Xhosa guy asked, 

“Kutheni nihamba niyi 18?”

The Zulu guys replied 

“because no under 18 allowed… "

Ha! Ha!ha! 

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Interesting Facts about Life

Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you,

it's only when you leave her a virgin.

Tension is when a wife is pregnant!

Terror is when a girlfriend is pregnant!

Horror is when both are pregnant!

Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating.

Only 10% enters the female.

And you always wondered why the sea water tasted salty?

Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?

To see if you really mean it!

Why is sex similar to shaving?

Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again.

Wives are funny creatures.

They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks

and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.

Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?

Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?

Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?

In a bomb blast, population decreases

BUT in a condom blast, population increases.

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Ibhubezi Elimhlophe (White Lion)

Terblanche, whose stage name is iBhubeSi Elimhlophe (White Lion), has been struggling to make his mark since he started in music 10 years ago.

After knocking on many doors without success, Terblanche has decided to release his music independently. Cellphone, which he released recently, is a very interesting maskandi album that could succeed if supported.

"I've realised that you need to have patience. Things don't happen overnight in this industry. I've knocked on many doors. After an interview on Metro FM, some companies called in and pretended they would help me, but didn't," says the singer from Durban.

His album is rich with beautiful maskandi sounds and it is original. The CD showcases Terblanche's passion for maskandi and for music.

Like all maskandi musicians he sings about everything from politics to social issues to love.

"I sing in Zulu, Afrikaans and English. The music in the album is maskandi and there is also a reggae track. In the track Cellphone I highlight the problems caused by cellphones," Terblanche says.

"In another song I encourage people to tolerate each other. I preach unity and peace as we move forward and build South Africa," he says.

In Cellphone, Terblance worked with Shamza Mkhwanazi, who wrote the songs.

He says his passion for traditional music started a long time ago, before he dropped out of university while studying engineering.

"I became interested in African traditional music because of my friends. My father encouraged me to learn about other cultures and languages from a young age. Zulu was the closest. I've always listened to Johnny Clegg, Shwi Nomtekhala, Soul Brothers and the late Lucky Dube," he says.

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Interesting Facts about Life Part 2

While creating Husbands, God promised Women that good and ideal Husbands would be found in all corners of the world.

And then He made the earth round. 


            

May be God wanted women to run around in circles looking for the right man, only to realize later that her time on earth is up.

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ZULU REGISTER

Hay boo! Principal.


The Teacher got into serious trouble when he was marking a register.

The Principal over heard him saying:

1) Goba Nozipho

2) Dumisane Khwela

3) Faka Phakathi

4) Khipha Futhi

5) Chama Phela

6) Thula Mtwana

7) Dumisane Qeda

8) Nonhlanhla Landela

But the principal did not realize that the teacher was marking a Register

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URGENT NOTICE TO JOBURG PEOPLE:

Please do not accept FREE KEY HOLDERS at service stations, it has a tracker device in it by which you can be followed this is happening already in Jo’burg & Durban as we speak. Please send to as many people as possible.

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Is it true?

Knowing your woman according to her tribe/nationality TSONGA / VENDA WOMEN Muthi experts Smart Sassy Ambitious Good at almost everything Don't let no one mess with them   TSWANA WOMEN Ba tshaba sekolo Good with their husbands / boyfriends Very independent Don't fight for what they know it's theirs (e.g. boyfriends. husbands) Very classy - Like nice things (house, furniture etc.) Will kill you for the insurance money . U WILL FIND THEM AT MAINTANANCE COURT , BA RATA MONATE LE DI VAT & SIT PEDI WOMAN Show too much respect for their men if they are good to them Usually they are very clever but never shows it. They don't expect much from their men as long as they love her & and all They are beautiful Very good in bed. They can’t ask for money, they expect their partner to offer all the time They can live with their men anywhere in the world as long as its safe & Presentable. They will kill you, if they find out u''v been cheating ZULU WOMEN - They don't mind polygamous relationships . - Very obedient, loves nature and some are independent. - They beat you up if they find out u are sleeping with their man .. -They come to Joburg for fashion & better paying jobs, very ambitious. - They prefer staying "ekasi" and most of them are intelligent. INDIAN WOMEN You aint getting nothing until you marry her . - Marriage is very important to her. -They are very honest to their loved ones. - She usually wants to live somewhere safe, doesn't matter where. - She's particular on who's toilet she uses. WHITE WOMEN _Everything is 50 / 50.you pay for the house, she pays for the furniture _ Before she make kids she checks her budget _ They are too bitchy _ They want to live in up market places. _ They prefer eating out because they don't like cooking. XHOSA WOMEN - Beautiful and big bums. Some of them can be very intelligent. - They are very happy and love to sing. -  Friendship is very important to them. - They come to Joburg for a reason, once she gets a man, she calls home, tell the parents she's got a job. - They don't want men who can't afford their rent, shopping, and car instalments. - They don't want to be cheated but they usually get their men from other women. -They are two timers no matter how good you are to them -They usually want to live in town house or flats whether they can afford It or not. COLOURED WOMEN - Beauty and brains galore. Give her a baby and she's stuck on you. - Best cooking you can get and the cleanest house. - Loves her cigis (Courtleigh) - Buy her flowers all the time, she'l love you always. -  All she needs is a regte oukie. -  Buy her caverllas, Nikes, soviets & lot of   Savannah 's   +   Rum -  They scream for more in bed and very jealous over their man. -  They go to bed with a doek on their head. -  They are very honest to their  partners -  Where they stay it doesn't matter. They usually move in at the boyfriend's Place SOTHO WOMEN -All they want is marriage & a home . Intelligent. -Whatever they get from this side they take it back home.(Ba tlo sebetsa,haba tlela masawana) -They never forget About their mothers at home. They will do anything to keep their men Very good in bed They like it on Top. SWAZI WOMAN - Oh what a woman!!! - She is everything a Man needs from a Woman - Their weak point is jealousy esp. if they Love you - These are the most humble women (though a little bit naughty) - You marry a Swazi girl you get all what it takes - They are very honest to their loved ones - They can live with their men anywhere in the world as long as its safe & Presentable. - They are the most beautiful women not only outside but even inside - But they can be bitchy if you try to make fool of them ,Big cheaters

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FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION......

It is so strange that today, marks 15 years since ‘Nelson Mandela told foreign correspondence that media freedom will not be under threat while there is an ANC government’  Nelson Mandela on the 21 November 1997 but one wonders where did this principle end. One does not know what is happening within ANC these days as things are going from bad to worse on each and every day. Looking at the leadership, programmes, and the way things are happening in Lenasia, Marikana, Nkandla, Parliament, and the list is endless one realise that we are really in a mess as a nation. My contribution to the statement made by Mandela 15 years ago would be to alert those involved in challenging the constitution of this country by way of coming with laws that should be aimed at challenging what Mandela stood for.

It would be a way of ANC “shooting yourself in the foot” by those who are busy campaigning for this and not accepting the democratic centralism doctrine. The ANC Secretary General seems to amaze me every time one listens or read about him whether he is living in this world or in some other strange planet called not earth. On the Sunday newspaper his comments moves for some totalitarian style that was reaffirmed in the SABC 3 dialog if you managed to look at it you will see what I am looking at……The constitution is challenged by the ruling party in parliament as it does not want to accept that the vote must go on before they go to recess, though this would mean that the ANC must accept that there are those who will not toe the line of voting against this since this will be a secret vote. It has come to me that some ANC members of parliament are also not happy with the way things are happening and would vote for the vote of no confidence and it will be the first, but will it be for the best? As a nation we are facing serious challenges as the constitution seems to be used by those who want to benefit against those who want to challenge the way things are happening in this beloved country.

Is the constitution really working? My opinion is that we still have to go and debate the constitution that will be for all and not be biased to the poor and not English. You will remember that the only promulgated version of the constitution is in English and not in 11 official languages as promised in the Interim Constitution of 1993. This has created a vacuum as one has to understand English before one can understand as to what is the Bill of Rights, Act and the Bill or to complicate matters worse what is  subsection of section 73 of Act number so and so. It seems that it has side-lined ordinary citizens as they are not aware of rights that need their attention as to the dole that is used by governments in their daily activities. Why will it be ok for someone to use public funds and not be charge, why the rule of law is not considered by those entrusted by the electorate? If Chapter 9 Institutions were working we would not be facing the challenges that we face as a nation since the ideal policies would be visible for you and me to see. People would be electing people on the basis of supporting policies and programmes that are practical to them, thus I am of the view that the current ANC is shooting itself in the foot, the people are watching.

It goes back to the question asked by 5year old son to the father of what government means, the father explained that the mother is like the government, he (father) is like the business class, the grand dad is like the people, he (the son) and her little sister (who is 2years) are the future, Anti who is working is like the working class. One day her sister wet her napkins, the son wanted to report this to the mother and found her sleeping and knows that ‘you do not disturb mother when she is asleep, he went outside and found his granddad watching through nanny’s window and granddad called him to come and watch as well only to find that dad was on top of the nanny. He could not report the matter about his little sister. Later that evening during suppertime, everyone was quiet and eating supper when he started…’you know dad, I wanted to report that the future was full of s**t, and I went to government and found that government was fats asleep, and you know that government does not want to be disturbed when sleeping, I then went outside and found the people watching…the people called me to watch as well and I found that the business was busy f***ing the working class and the people were watching”. It is still the same….the government is fast asleep…….

I will take some of the comments made by some concern citizens that are participating in some social networks created by this democracy…..and they have said:-
                                                   ”I hope that there are some principled and concerned political scientists who will analyse the shambles of this branch-level round of nominations, why quorums are not achieved, why branches are disqualified, why membership lists are in a mess, and so on - and then use this evidence of shambles as a prima facie argument that the constitution needs to be amended to enable the election of a state president to be done in the universally accepted way of a universal vote by all voting citizens of SA and not just a single political party at its hopelessly disorganised and manipulated periodic jamboree”…..

coment from someone and the next……..” Fascinating to watch karma unfold in the eyes of the world. Anyway, whoever gets the job, Zuma or Motlanthe, the ANC is in for a rocky ride and a diminishing role in public affairs” said the other and it rains……”If Zuma gets re-elected the country and the ANC will continue into accelerated decline until the tipping point, even another palace coup, and (we hope) the start of a slow recovery.

If Motlanthe gets in the ANC will also face decline, huge disaffection between progressive factions and the reactionary Zuma supporters.
The elephants are fighting. Elephants fight long and hard, and do not cease until there's a winner; and the herd and the grassroots beneath the jumbo feet are confused and trampled; and the herd breaks up into smaller groups and nothing's ever the same again.
Bring it on! Sometimes change for the better requires crisis to work itself out to the end.
The position of the citizens of this country is clear. Leaders must respect the right of the people to elect its leaders. The elective process underway has removed that right.  Having the African National Cadres’ branches speak on behalf of the nation is fraudulent. It places the party beyond accountability. The system in place undermines the principles of democracy.
I take your point Evan, and also weigh these things up. I feel that the danger of swapping Jakes for a more articulate leader such as Motlanthe might create the impression of an improvement in the ANC......which will only delay the change that we need. The organization itself is the problem, and so Jakes remains the best person to highlight this to the people through his obvious flaws.
Secondly, should the ANC lose an election, and not cede government to the DA, we will have the UN attention we need here in SA. This could also be handy in removing this ANC finally. I do agree that it's a possibility - given that the neutrality of all state organs is terribly compromised. They have the means to cling onto power illegally; it's just a matter of whether they have the will.
My point really, is that we cannot build the succesful growing nation we all so badly want to see, while the ANC is even vaguely involved.
…on the contrary, I think another JZ term is exactly what is required to turn the voters finally into DA supporters. He does more for our chances of clean government, every day he remains in office.
Usually I'd agree, but recent months have shown something to the contrary. Half-way through his term, JZ has already ignored various Court Orders, shunned advice from the Public Protector and AG and has flat out refused to fire useless and corrupt officials (unless they weren't of use anymore)
So after a second term, do you think for one single moment that this man would ceade power? 3 years in office has made him as arrogant and power mad as he is now, imagine what an extra term would do.
We can't afford another term of JZ. Not just because of the damage his corrupt practices and pathetic global image does, but also because we are looking at a very real threat of a wannabe pocket dictator.
The branches of senior ANC leaders close to President Jacob Zuma have nominated Deputy President Kgalema Motlanthe as ANC leader.

In conclusion, it is clear that in Lenasia for example, we have people who are victims that find themselves in the other side of the law, they are also victims. Those who were involved in selling the land are also victims as they have seen a gap that government is taking a very slow pace in ensuring that poor people are given houses and they have done what they should have done and have made sure that the poor get the land after registering with government in 1996. The Human Rights Commission should also consider whether the intention was of assisting government or was of playing the delaying tactic used by government or not. This then calls for the attention of all Chapter 9 institutions whether they are only just doing a lip service and not doing their jobs, last week you will remember my call for the whereabouts of our Public Protector who has just gone AWOL and not giving us reports on the Malema case so as she can move on to the next cases that needs her consideration. Are these institutions only used by those in power for their own benefit and not looking at what needs to be done to remedy the social ills that we face as a nation?

What is it that other Chapter 9 Institutions doing during the year? What wiil the Constitutional Court do if it is also in the same challenge and not helping either. You will only see Human Rights Commission when things are happening, why did the Gauteng Province consult with this institution before they started demolishing those houses? Why are these Institutions not following what the IEC has done in ensuring that there are Local offices in which the public can use? In this huge unemployment scale, would these not employ more people, no? Most of their work has been delegated to community based organisations that are also not getting enough support from government. If Human Rights Commission was working as well, it would have taken a case of unemployed citizens who falls beyond the 35 years but are not yet on pension, where should these people get source of income if the government will claim that they are unskilled and have no option of generating income while there are those who are also falling under this category but are employed but not skilled enough to know what their responsibilities are. Only in South Africa you will find Ministers, government officials that are deployed but do not know what is it that they must do when arriving in their offices. We have a dependency syndrome that some will argue that people do not want to work, and when they start small businesses, government will challenge them as it is the case in Lenasia. The typical example will be a South African citizen starting a spaza shop, there will be government officials coming and claiming that he/she is not complying with legislation and the person ends up being demoralised and stop operating. On the other hand you find Pakistanis or Bangladeshians coming to townships starting the same spaza shops and sleeping in those shops but you will not see any official coming and charging him or her. What is then is VUK’UZENZELE if it is only aimed at promoting operations by those foreign nationals instead of promoting South African citizens, people who vote those in power?

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WHERE IS JUJU?

Lizelle Tabane, Malema's 'hottie' at the wedding of David Mabilu in Mauritius.

Julius Malema and Lizelle Tabane at the wedding of David Mabilu in Mauritius.

Julius Malema and the mysterious woman Lizelle Tabane, spent most of the time together in Mauritius. 

ANCYL President Julius Malema and Capricorn District Municipal Mayor Lawrence Mapoulo. 

Lizelle Tabane, Lerato Moloi, Collen Mashawana and Julius Malema in Mauritius. 

THE WOMAN

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TATA MADIBA

EARLY YEARS…………..                                THE STRUGGLE……………………………..                                                   IMPRISONMENT………………………….                                                              FREEDOM……………………………..                                       THE DAY THAT CHANGED THE COURSE  OF HISTORY……….. THE STATESMAN……………………………….                                                                                                                    A GIANT AMONGST GIANTS……………………..                                                                                                              CELEBRATED BY THE WORLD                        THE ICON…………………………………    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TATA