My Festive advices

Hi All

Below is my festive advices…

Dear friends, acquaintances, colleagues, delegates, members of society, comrades and whatever you people call yourselves these days… It has come to our attention that most of you are ill-prepared for the festive season. We, execs in the Shaken Trust Fund, have therefore prepared guidelines that will greatly enhance/better/assist you during this Festive Season. Please view below, and please feel free to ask for advice where possible: · Camp Master and Cooler Bag is mandatory where-ever you go; you do not leave home without these items; · Drinking is permitted everyday in December, you do not have a reason NOT to drink during this time · We strongly advise that drinking should not start too early in the morning, a good start time would be in the afternoon (around 3pm or 4pm). Drinking too early puts you out of the picture for evening activity (that’s when the serious fun starts); · On quiet days during this festive season (maybe a Tuesday, Wednesday) where there is not too much activity, it is permissible to drink ‘ingudu’ (750ml), you may buy four just to get through the day; · On hectic days (excl the public holidays) e.g: Friday, Saturday: we strongly advise you to drop ‘Ingudu’ for ‘ama-dumpie’. It’s not cool to carry the big ones in hectic environments; · During the Public holidays you need to have at least one ‘ibhodlela’. Things like Jameson, Johnnie Walker Black, Jack Daniels, Chivas, Captain Morgan are suitable for such occasions; · Please avoid the following drinks during this festive: Hansa, Carling Black Label, Mellow-Wood, Knights, Bells, Three Ships, Cape to Rio, Vin Coco, Russian Bear, Crown, Autumn Harvest, Four Cousins and the likes…..it’s December for Piet’s sake, have more class! No Nip’s, half-jacks, Long Tom’s will be tolerated. (you can Include fake camp masters, ama-cooler bag with leaks into this category); · If you are drinking in public, please ensure it’s in an area where there are many of you; it makes it more difficult for cops to handle us if we are in large numbers…… NB NB NB NB NB NB v Please always keep cash on you for the following reasons: o Most fun places or places of alcohol do not have ‘swipe machine’ facilities; o If the traffic cops/police stop you and you are far from sober, you need to have ‘itjo-tjo’ (bribery money), we can’t afford to sleep in jail and catch a case during this time of the year (please practice your negotiation skills while you at it). v Oh yes, if you are like me, always pack a bag of fresh clothes and toiletries, ‘home’ is a foreign term to us in December, it should be the same for you…